宋圭武：对家人更容易发脾气的经济学解释

在现实生活中，我们发现，一些人在外面多笑呵呵，对人谦和有礼，但一到到家里，马上又是另一副模样。为什么人更容易对家人发脾气？下面本人从经济学角度解释一下，供大家参考。

从经济学角度看，也是一种均衡，也有一定的存在合理性。

从经济学角度分析，原因有五个方面。一是家人之间的博弈是长期博弈，即使发了脾气，后面补救的机会多，这会让一部分人丧失警惕性，让感情更自由宣泄。而非家人之间的博弈，多是短期或一次性博弈，后面缺乏补救的机会，所以，在这种情况下，一些人的警惕性也就更高一些，以防感情的野马误伤人，产生不必要的损失。二是家人之间客观需要更直接的信号显示，这也是降低交流成本的一种方式。若家人之间对话，还要绕来绕去，产生的时间和误会成本谁来承担，还不是自家人？三是若决策与自身利益无关，人往往情绪会比较稳定，甚至于采取高高在上或袖手旁观的态度。但家人之间的有关决策，比如孩子教育、购买房子车子等等，一般都直接涉及自身利益，所以，这会导致一些人会更有情绪化的倾向。四是对个体而言，对家人显露真性情，也是告诉对方自己的真实性格和有关信息，让对方逐渐适应，这也是个体试图在家庭中想更多显示自身存在价值的一种方式。五是由于是一家人，我发脾气，你自然要包容我，这也是常识。在这样的博弈思维背景下，一些人对家人也就更容易产生发脾气问题。总之，存在的即是合理的。人更容易对家人发脾气，也是一种进化的本能均衡。

这里的问题是，虽然一个人对家人更容易发脾气有一定合理性，但过犹不及，过度了，总是不好。因为既然有了伤害，必然后面需要额外支出补救费用。而且时间久了，对方必然难以容忍，最终导致亲人之间关系疏远，若是两口子，则多以离婚收场。如此，家人之间对话交流，情绪宣泄一定要控制好度。

如何控制好度，需要补充理智、宽容、看透三大元素。理智，需要遇事冷静，互相商量，多分析利弊，然后决策。宽容，要认识到世上没有完人，都有这样那样的缺点和不足，人生要学会接受不完美。同时，宽容也是一种你对家人的精神投资，这会增加你的后期收益，最终对大家都有利。看透，需要想到，人生总归是一个过场，一切荣辱成败，转头即空，没有比人本身更重要的。

另外，要掌握沟通的艺术。掌握沟通很重要，但要真的掌握，也很难。美国石油大王洛克菲勒曾经说过：“假如人际沟通能力也是同糖或者咖啡一样的商品的话，我愿意付出比太阳底下任何东西都珍贵的价格来购买这种能力。”家人之间，如何沟通，要学会因人而异，不同性格要采取不同的交流策略。

作者：甘肃省委党校教授

Song Guiwu : the economic explanation of the more likely to lose his temper with his family

In real life, we find that some people are more smiling and polite to others outside, but once they get home, they are immediately another look.Why are people more likely to lose their temper with their family?I will explain it from the perspective of economics for your reference.From the perspective of economics, it is also a kind of equilibrium and has a certain rationality.From the perspective of economics, there are five reasons.One is that the game between family members is a long-term game. Even if they lose their temper, there are more opportunities to remedy later, which will make some people lose their vigilance and let their feelings freely vent.But the game between non-family members is mostly a short-term or one-time game, lacking the opportunity to remedy later. Therefore, in this case, some people are more vigilant to prevent the wild horse of feelings from hurting people and causing unnecessary losses.Two is that the objective need for more direct signals between family members is shown, which is also a way to reduce the cost of communication.If the dialogue between family members is roundabout, who will bear the time and misunderstanding costs, not their own people?Three is that if the decision has nothing to do with their own interests, people tend to be more stable in mood, or even take a high and mighty or bystander attitude. But the decisions between family members, such as children's education, buying a house and a car, generally involve their own interests directly, so this will lead to some people will be more emotional tendency.Fourth, for individuals, to show their true temperament to their family members, but also to tell each other their true character and relevant information, so that each other gradually adapt, this is also a way for individuals to try to show their own value in the family.Fifth, because we are a family, I lose my temper, you naturally have to tolerate me, which is common sense.In such a game thinking background, some people are more likely to lose their temper with their family members.In short, the existence is reasonable.People are more likely to lose their temper with their family members, which is also a kind of evolutionary instinct equilibrium.The problem here is that although it is reasonable for a person to lose his temper with his family members, it is always not good to go too far.Because since there is a harm, there will be additional expenditure to remedy the cost.And for a long time, the other party will be difficult to tolerate, which will eventually lead to the estrangement between relatives, if it is a couple, it will end in divorce.In this way, the dialogue and communication between family members, emotional catharsis must be well controlled.How to control the degree, we need to add three elements: reason, tolerance and insight. Reason, need to calm, consult each other, more analysis of the pros and cons, and then decision-making.Tolerance, to realize that there is no perfect person in the world, there are these faults and shortcomings, life to learn to accept imperfect.At the same time, tolerance is also a kind of spiritual investment you for your family, which will increase your later income, ultimately for everyone.See through, need to think of, life is always a show, all the success or failure, a turn is empty, no more important than the people themselves.In addition, to master the art of communication.Mastering communication is very important, but to really master, it is difficult.American oil magnate Rockefeller once said: "if interpersonal communication ability is also a commodity like sugar or coffee, I would like to pay more than anything under the sun the price of the ability to buy this."Between family members, how to communicate, to learn to vary from person to person, different characters to take different communication strategies.OK, thank you, thank you.